Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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