I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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