Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
