Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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