Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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