Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
