im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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