I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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