I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
