i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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