I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
