so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
