he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
