At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
