Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
