How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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