I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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