Sober January is a disaster.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You brought string cheese to the strip club
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
