look no pants
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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