bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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