We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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