I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
