Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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