Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
