Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
