if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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