if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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