so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
