Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
