Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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