he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
