Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
