if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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