it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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