grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
