Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
