god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
