i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
