Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
