I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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