The maid of honor just puked.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Blood and glitter go together right?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
