Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
