Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
