Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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