if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
