I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Randomize
