He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
