it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
