As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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