all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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