You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
