I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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